A friend recently said, “What is denied cannot be healed, but God will give us the grace to face what we have chosen to deny if we ask Him.” Grief is a necessary emotion, and it can eventually bring us peace if we don’t get stuck in it. Losing a child leaves a big hole in our souls. I found peace at the end of my journey and I also found something I did not expect—joy.
When I admitted what I had done when I chose to abort my baby, I could then move on to helping others navigate through the grief. I know what it is like not to take a deep breath for thirty years. Taking that breath was one of many breakthroughs that came. The founding of Rachel’s Cry Ministries was another. Giving women and men a chance to come and share their experiences in a judgement-free atmosphere was joy. Being free to share my story with others was joy. Being free to help others break free from the “secret” was joy.
Forgiveness is not easy. I had to learn that forgiveness was not to free others but to free me. There was a time when I was ready to stop forgiving because I felt that I had forgiven the whole world. The one person that I had left out was myself. God does not want us to carry a huge boulder of unforgiveness around on our backs—He wants to crush it. He forgave me before I made the choice to abort my child and He was there when I miscarried my child. I forgave myself. Joy.
A friend once looked at me and said, “I am so glad God let this happen to you.” When she saw my surprise at her unorthodox statement, she said, “Look at what you are doing to help others.” Joy.
Slowing down and taking time to give ourselves a chance to heal is joy. I recently read this powerful statement: Somebody needs the part of the story that you are ashamed of. Being brave enough to face the toxic emotions of shame, guilt, and anger is joy. Some of it will be hard—and some of it will take a bit longer than we think it should—but the joy that comes afterward is well worth the struggle. JOY. Beauty from ashes….
